One of the questions I get asked over and over again, is how to divorce a narcissist. Narcissists are not just difficult; they are also calculated and manipulative, especially during a divorce. They may attempt to gaslight you, distorting facts to make you question your memory, or file frivolous motions to drain your financial resources. Please know you are not "crazy." The gaslighting and manipulation by the other spouse aims to make you "feel" that way.
One day, a narcissist might be charming, and the next, they are using your children as leverage to maintain control. For example, they might conveniently "forget" to share financial records or exaggerate their role as a parent to gain sympathy. In one recent case, the narcissistic spouse called the pediatrician and took my client off of every health form, in direct violation of a court order.
These tactics are not just frustrating; they are designed to wear you down. Recognizing these behaviors is your first line of defense.
Helpful tips:
Document Your Interactions: Narcissists excel at rewriting history. Keep a detailed log of all communications (emails, text messages, and even voicemails). If your spouse tries to twist the narrative, you will have the evidence to counter their claims.
Establish Communication Boundaries: Limit your interactions to email or co-parenting apps that create a written record. These tools can prevent the narcissist from using phone calls or face-to-face meetings to manipulate or intimidate you.
Rely on Objective Evidence: In court, a narcissist may try to charm the judge or create emotional distractions. Counter this by presenting hard evidence (e.g., bank statements, parenting schedules, or documented incidents) that paint an indisputable picture of the truth.
File a case in court. Even if you go to mediation, having the court as a back-up ensures your case will progress in a forward-direction.
Document Your Parenting Patterns: Keep a journal of your spouse’s interactions with the children. Note any missed visitations, inappropriate behavior, or any actions that prioritize their ego over the well-being of the children.
Request Court Oversight: Maryland does not use guardian ad litems, but the court does have the ability to appoint a best interest attorney for the child(ren).
Support Your Children Emotionally: Narcissistic parents may try to alienate the children or draw them into adult conflicts. Counseling provides a safe space for kids to process their feelings and develop healthy coping mechanisms.
By focusing on your children’s needs, you can shield them from the narcissist’s tactics and prioritize their long-term emotional health.
Narcissists often attempt to manipulate judges or create false narratives. An experienced attorney knows how to present objective evidence and counter these tactics effectively, ensuring that the court sees the facts clearly.
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